Happenstance
by Chromewe11
Summary: After the Aogiri raid on Cochlea and he and Ayoto are saved by the owl, Kaneki finds himself losing his mind as he wanders the streets before arriving at Anteiku. (warning: NSFW adult content. sex, swearing and cannibalism rated M. written for toukensmutweek)
1. Chapter 1

An- Oneshot written for Touken Smut Week, kinda just grew from 3k to 5k seriously who writes 5k of cannibalistic smut? i dont even normally write smut. way outside my comfort zone.

Warnings: NSFW contains swearing, sex and cannibalism. Rated M/MA

Summary/Notes:Takes place in Tokyo Ghoul √A after the Aogiri raid on Cochlea, after he and Ayoto are saved by the owl, Kaneki in his delirious state of mind finds himself wandering the streets before arriving at Anteiku.

* * *

Happenstance

In the 20th ward the streets seemed gloomier than usual. Fog hugged the concrete roads and pavements still had the embrace of frost. The odd few cars drove past, reminding the sleepless it was early morning now but Tokyo was still at heart a restless city. However the young man on the sidewalk gasping in pain had blocked out all of this.

Kaneki stumbled, the weight on his feet feeling uneven made him reach for a lamppost for support. The lacerations across his back and sides were still taking time to heal. He was bruised and broken all over. Fighting the CCG during the raid had been tough, but the Orca had been enough to push him over the edge, exposing his kakuja, almost losing his mind, he was exhausted after that pivotal moment he couldn't remember a thing.

He wanted to heal slowly, _let the pain last_ he thought just so it could give him something to focus on. He had no intention of wolfing down an arm in order restore himself quicker. It had escaped him how much he had already eaten that night, ghouls and CCG agents alike. It was the nightmare of Rize's legacy, her insatiable hunger he inhertied always crushing down on him. No matter how much he ate, it was beginning to feel like it was never enough.

He didn't want to eat he sought to remind himself of what helped him through that hunger.

He followed through a familiar back ally until he found himself at the café's entrance. As soon as he walked through those doors he realised it was a mistake. The aroma of coffee, old leather and polished wood filled him; all of them had her scent lingering among them.

He was a mess. Blood caked his black fingernails and his hair was damp from the cold night outside. Once again he found himself sheltered by Anteiku's walls. He sighed slipping into one of the chairs by the window as it began to snow again. It felt like a lifetime ago he sat there in October, preparing for the date that should have ended with his life. He heard rather light footsteps travel down the stairs.

Kaneki stood. Yet he couldn't bring himself to move any further. Her fragrance got stronger, a premonition of the girl in question. He knew he should go. He hadn't meant for her to be here.

It was too late; it had been too late since the last two wards he had staggered through. In his half crazed state, thinking this is what he needed. This is what he had wanted wasn't it, to be near her again, even just a little. Now she was stood in the door way.

The street lights breaking through the blinds illuminated her pale skin. She was in her Anteiku shirt and skirt. Her hair was a little messy and looked black in the darkness, she looked like she had been sleeping, or trying to at least. He didn't have it in him tonight to be embarrassed and say something. He would consider himself lucky if he could say anything.

"Kaneki?" She had no other words, just his name on her lips. Her voice quavered slightly. She looked frightened as though he wasn't really there, that this was an apparition and nothing more. But he didn't disappear and the disbelief on her face grew.

Kaneki's stomach lurched at the sound of his name, he froze, like an icy hand had gripped his spine.

"Touka-chan." He said. His tone was formal. They stood like a strangers, silence binding them together.

"What the fuck are you doing here? You said you wouldn't be coming back." Her anger was slowly finding its way past the shock. He could see the pain he had left her with beginning to seethe through her.

"I was… looking for something." Kaneki muttered. He didn't sound sad, his tone was dry and vacant. She took a step forward. Even now he still seemed so lost, he looked at her and tried to regain himself. "I'm sorry if I woke you, where's Yoshimura-san?"

"The manager is away. He asked me to watch over Hinami tonight but I couldn't sleep." She stared at him taking another unsure step.

"I see." She was close now. She reached out to him, trying to seeing how damaged he was.

"You idiot. Are you hurt?" She whispered as she closed the distance. Her hand found his face in the dark, his cheek was ice cold. She placed her other hand on his arm. He trembled slightly under her touch.

He doesn't say anything but she didn't need an answer. He was covered him scrapes, his clothes torn, blood dried on his lips, that all said enough to her. He rested his head on her shoulder.

"Come." Touka said as she took his hand and pulled him away from the windows and to counter.

"This is a bad idea." He said, but his legs didn't protest.

"Shut up stupid Kaneki, let me dress these wounds." She dragged him under the lights of the counter to get a better look. She didn't flinch at the sight of his back, bare and chiselled, deep cuts painting it black and red. She ran a cold tap and grabbed a clean towel and cloth. Her fingers traced the lines of his exposed ribs. He hissed and winced in pain. Serves him right she thought. "Take it off." Touka commanded. Kaneki obeyed her, pealing off the tight back fitting fabric like it was a second layer of skin.

"Looks like you finally added some muscle." She said trying to tease him. Her legs shook slightly at the sight of his more defined body mass.

"I was going to surprise you; I knew you liked that stuff." He smiled. Wincing as she pressed a soaking cloth to his abdomen, the cold damp cloth brought up to his chest and slowly down his arm, wiping the blood away.

"Liar." She said as she took a towel to dry him. She only told him to buff up if it meant he'd be fighting. She knew this is what he would call irony.

"Do you need something to eat?" Touka asked as she began to patch up his back, wrapping bandaged around his side. She could see the marks his kakuja had left. The curious red shapes the tails and arms had decorated his back with, like scars left behind from a lightning strike.

"No, I-I can't eat right now." The thought of the dead bodies in the freezer twisted his stomach some, all the too appetizing, even if was cold blooded, rather than gushing and warm soft flesh. Kaneki tried to focus on the presence of Touka, blocking out that hunger.

"Coffee then?"

"No coffee either I don't want to be any more trouble. I shouldn't stay - I shouldn't have even come."

"Why the hell are you here then?" She asked, she knew the answer she wanted to desperately hear. She'd imagined every night what she'd do if he came back.

"I needed to remind myself." He started he turned to face her. She hadn't realised how his presence seemed larger than before. He was longer hiding himself but looking down with both eyes.

"Remind yourself of what?" She froze beneath him, her neck arched upward slightly.

"What I'm trying to protect."

_Stupid Kaneki._

She threw her arms around him. He inhaled sharply at the pain but made no move out of discomfort. Instead his arms found their way around her, holding her close.

Sometimes in her dreams, he'd ask her to forgive him, and depending on how benevolent she was feeling she would, but she had never thought it'd play out like this, it had always been in public, because he knew that way she couldn't destroy him, because deep down she wanted to accept him. Instead she'd hit him angrily and he'd pull her close. He'd promise not to leave again. She knew it was a stupid fantasy but she had hoped and this was as close as they had been since he had been taken by Aogiri.

"What are you doing?"

"Dammit, I'm hugging you what does it look like I'm doing?"

"Don't let go anytime soon I think I could get used to this."

"Tell me I'm not imagining this thing between us. I don't know what it is but- I need you, and you're so useless sometime I fucking know you need me too." She dabbed her eyes with her sleeve determined not to start crying because of him now. "Tell me you'll-" She looked up about to tell him to stay, instead his lips found hers. Gentle and warm.

Touka was shocked; it was unlike Kaneki to initiate anything. Her mind went blank. It took a second for her to register what was happening. She wasn't sure until she saw him tonight that she'd even accepted her feelings for him. She supposed this was better than some long winded confession, they both knew she wasn't one for a lot of words. She decided what ever this was, even if it was going to be unspoken, was better than what she had gone through since he left.

Touka aggressively responded, pushing him back against the counter, careful as to where he put her hands. She'd make him surrender beneath her. She'd make him powerless. Just as he was about to deepen this kiss she broke it off. "- stay."

"First I need to finish things, I need… answers." _God you are so fucking cliché Kaneki_She kissed him again briefly; she wasn't going to let him make any more excuses.

"Just give me tonight." She muttered blushing. She hated him for making her feel weak. It wasn't fair that he could make her feel like that. "Even if you have to leave me again tomorrow, stay with me." She felt his lips hungrily again, lightly biting his lower lip. He shuddered his hands grasped her wrists pinning them to her sides as he began to fight her for dominance. The two struggled against each other between the counters. His tongue was warm and wet as it slid against hers.

They parted for air. She wanted more of him. She could feel an ache in her throat and heat between her legs. He wasn't her gentle natured Kaneki anymore but it was still him beneath his white hair. She placed a hand on his thigh traced up with light fingers. His breath hitched. It was heavy with long breaths exhaled from his rising chest as he began to undo the buttons of her shirt.

She kissed his neck, lightly nipping with her teeth and with her tongue she began to trail down the centre of his chest, down his stomach. Kaneki shivered violently. She smiled at the reaction she provoked, rising back up to his lips as he grew hard in her hand.

He began with careful fingers beneath her skirt gripping her thigh as she sat on the counter. His other hand had her neck pulling her closer as he kissed her jaw, placing rough kisses down her neck. She held him tighter her legs wrapped around his waist, craving his touch. He gasped again at the pain, hissing he nearly staggered back holding onto her legs tighter. She looked up and saw his kakugan showing black and red with black veins around his eye.

"Fucking idiot, you need to eat." She said annoyed.

"No I'm- I'm fine." Kaneki protested but he was clutching his ribs.

"You're not fine." She insisted. "If you refuse to eat, here." He stared as she offered her neck subtly, her face turned away blushing.

"Touka…"

She could see him bite his lip anxiously. She knew he wanted to, no matter how deeply he felt it, even if it sickened him, maybe she wouldn't taste a good as humans do, but at least he shouldn't feel guilt. She remembered when she did the same to him and strangely she wanted him eat. She was offering herself up like a lamb to Kaneki's hunger.

"I said it was okay. You won't hurt me." Touka whispered reassuringly

She gasped as she felt his teeth bite into the flesh just above her breast, hot blood trickling down. He bit again this time into her neck suckling the flowing red from her skin. She bit her lip, her hand running through his hair; it wasn't so bad this time. Perhaps it was because of the circumstances or because she was just as fucked up inside but she was beginning to enjoy the peculiar sensation of him draining and chewing on her.

When he pulled away she saw the frightened look on his face, she knew it wasn't for her but for himself. Touka took his cheek tenderly and he held it there.

"Do I taste…good?" She asked in a small voice. Kaneki nodded. Wetting her lips hungrily she kissed him slowly at the edge of his mouth. If he was a monster then she was a monster right up there with him. She licked his chin of her blood, her copper taste and that of his mouth combining. "Mm much better than you." She said with a crooked smile.

Despite himself a hollow laugh escaped him. Without warning they crashed into each other again, their mouths switching from hostile to welcoming. Her lips demanding more and his eager to please. The burning in her throat returned. It started clawing at her chest; she couldn't help but rake her nails across his back as she yearned for more.

He spun her around and with one hand tore at the rest of her shirt. Touka swallowed down hard as he began to knead her breast, his hand was rough moving in a circular motion. He bit down again, mauling her neck and pinching her areola between his fingers.

"K-Kaneki" Touka whimpered. Her mind went blank again. All that she could feel now was desire building up. The heat of her sex burning through her, it was almost alien. She had been aroused, though never like this, not when she could feel him pressed against her leg.

Now Kaneki was here, holding onto her tightly, it seemed every time she had brought herself to orgasm paled in comparison to just the thought of him inside of her. He rolled her nipple between his finger and thumb tighter eliciting a moan of delight from her as he suckled from her neck.

"F-Fuck" Her legs trembled beneath her and she cursed him again for making her feel weak, she was supposed to make him feel like this, she had always planned to take control, make him beg for her.

Touka grinded against him with her hips as Kaneki hitched up her skirt, his hand gripping her behind squeezing. Slowly, he traced up the inside of her thigh with a gentle hand. Touka whimpered again. She could smell the presence of her arousal around her; if her cheeks weren't already red with the fervour of her desire she would have flushed with embarrassment. Her hands slammed onto the counter for support.

His touch light grazed over her labia. With a hooked finger he pulled her underwear to the side. Feeling her increasing wetness, he moved his fingers up and down her lower lips. Her breath became uneven as she began to gasp in pleasure. His other hand moved from her breast to her neck as he pulled her back nearly choking her, making her arch against him twisting her neck so he could kiss her deeply. His tongue explored her mouth, snaking its way inside. She moaned into his mouth, her eyes watering beneath her closed lids.

"Shh." He murmured gently, his very breath tickling her ear. How could he be getting her completely off and still annoy her._._ As if to answer her mental question he slipped a finger inside her, slow and deep.

"Kaneki!" She suddenly whined as she jolted with pleasure. She could feel his retracting finger slick inside her moving against her walls before thrusting again. He began to do this repeatedly, steadily moving faster, vacillating in and out, over and over again. With a thumb he began to circle the sensitive bulb of nerves. She shuddered at the feverish intensifying sensation building within her.

When he introduced another finger Touka buckled beneath him moaning and gripping onto his arm. Her walls clenched around them as she started to move in tandem towards her release. She could feel her blood rushing as the pressure between her legs built. She gasped, her breath becoming ragged, bliss washing over her steadily like an ever increasing current. His hand began to move more furiously, his index finger curled slightly hitting more nerves. His fingers lurched deeper, driving Touka mad with the rapture that was now tearing through her body.

"F-Fuck me, Kaneki!" She cried shaking uncontrollably, flinging her head back as she reached fruition of her climax.

Touka let Kaneki sit her up on the counter her head resting on his shoulder as she twitched and gasped at the withdrawal of his fingers. She looked at him hold out his fingers for her with a puzzled expression on her face.

"You said you liked the taste of yourself." Kaneki said smiling.

"Dummy." She gave him a hard stare. Defiantly she took his hand and with her mouth closed around his fingers extracting her fluids from him. She didn't break eye contact, making sure to stare into his glinting kaguna and his human eye. She couldn't say much for the taste but the humiliation of obeying him was making her wet again already, even if she wanted to knock that evil teasing look from his face. She had no idea if this was normal for ghouls or humans, with the way they had been feeding each other. All she knew is wanted to last, to go further, even after coming on the counter of Anteiku.

It had only just occurred to Touka how loud she had been; her last cry though not at full volume could still have been heard. Waking up the little girl upstairs was possibly the last thing she wanted.

"Upstairs, clothes off. Now." She hissed as she stood up, she grabbed her shirt throwing it on but not bothering with the buttons.

"What?"

"Idiot, I want you." She stepped closer grabbing his erection.

"Um the thing is Touka, th-this'll be my first time, you know."

"I wouldn't have guessed from that performance." She smirked at him.

"I _was_ a human teenager, I've read… stuff."

"Stuff?" She tortured him, enjoying the discomfort on his face. Of course he was referring to what he had found in books and on the internet but he was never going to let her hear him say it.

"What about you?" He breathed trying to change the subject. "Have you ever.." Touka shook her head. "Are you really sure you want me to be your first."

"Dummy, I'm sure I want it to be you, even if you leave again. You're _really fucking_ important to me." She said it like it was painful, but Kaneki didn't care, it meant she was honest. She was the most honest person he knew. "Besides you don't get to do that to a girl and just walk away you know."

She held his neck pulling him in to kiss her again, her mouth was fire and he was tinder to consume.

The stumbled upstairs fumbling between kisses. Their hands pulling each other close constantly as they thrashed from wall to wall with their violent and passionate dance.

"Shh. Hinami." Touka whispered with a finger to Kaneki's lips, they both grinned stupidly.

They entered Kaneki's old room, the furthest from the sleeping Hinami's. He hadn't been in there since the day he had been abducted by Aogiri. Not a lot had changed, mostly because he was already so tidy, books on sat like memories neatly on every surface. Just one lay open on his bed under the light of his lamp. He didn't saying about it and Touka was glad for it.

Touka shoved him against the door as it closed. Smiling as she slipped back in control, she guided his hand to her breast, letting him tease her. She kissed him deeply again, feeling his smile through the kiss, the carefree one she loved. She grinned and pulled him towards the bed, throwing him down onto the mattress.

Kaneki lost his breath at the sight of her. She slipped out of her white shirt, dropping it to the floor, exposing her bra and the teeth marks he had made, there was still some blood but she had mostly healed. She stepped out of her skirt next, letting it fall off her effortlessly. This left her in just her black underwear and black thigh high socks. Kaneki could feel himself going hard again at the sight of her, his eyes traveling from her half smile, past the hollow of her throat and continuously down. Not wanting to miss an inch of her he drank her in as she approached him, his heart drumming faster with each step. She bent down over him and sucked on the bottom of his lip. She bit into his neck softly, her lips grazing his skin down. When he reached out to touch her leg she bit down.

"Stupid Kaneki, I didn't say you could touch." She rested one foot on the bed as she stood over him, giving him a view that made his pulse quicken dramatically.

"Forgive me, I couldn't restrain myself." He croaked, his voice dry.

"Mm you'll have to earn my mercy." Touka straddled him now, her mouth hovering just above his. She smirked as she made him await her touch. Kaneki shifted beneath her as she slowly teased him, grinding his length through the fabric of her panties. He gasped and grimaced whenever she arced her hips. She could practically feel it twitching through the wet lace.

"Take it off. All of it." Her voice was husky and low. She sat down gently kicking him off the bed with one foot. Kaneki shook his head as he obeyed, taking off the lower half of his tight fitting combat suit. Touka let him stand there at attention appreciating the view for a long moment. With a curled finger she beckoned him closer.

"Now mine. No hands." She grinned evily. Again Kaneki obeyed. Though he struggled, he managed to pull her the black lace panties down with his teeth. The scent of her sex filled his senses, igniting his hunger for her again, the dull ache in his throat growing ever sharper by the second.

"This doesn't seem like usual behaviour for virgins you know."

"Are you suggesting I'm something else?"

"Not at all. Just wondering where this is all coming from."

"Well, I've _read_things too." Touka purred.

He watched her as she bit her lip at the sight of him standing naked. Her eyes were curious, gazing across his defined lithe frame. He was sure the air was getting heavier between them. He breathed carefully as she sunk down to her knees, taking his length in her hand and began to stoke. Touka could feel the heat of the blood rushing through him as it throbbed in her palm. She wetted her lips and ran her tongue up his length.

Kaneki struggled to keep his breath even at the feel of her wet mouth encompassed his flesh. With her lips wrapped around him she began to suck. She hollowed her cheeks as she withdrew him from her mouth, flicking her tongue at his head. Then plunging it gracefully back in careful not to graze him with her teeth as she looked up at him.

Kaneki's breath grew faster and more erratic the rougher she began to suck on him, every so often drawing him out and lapping at the messy saliva she had left. She couldn't keep her own hand from reaching down to her folds and slit, she began to rub herself as she pleasured Kaneki with her mouth. Moaning in unison with him. Her hips moved with her head, salivating over Kaneki's cock while her fingers dripped with her own wetness.

"Touka, I'm – close."

"Mm. Thanks for the warning." She responded taking him out of her mouth. "Maybe.. a reward?" She crooned.

With Kaneki still gripped in her palm and bending to her very will she stood back up and pulled him closer to the bed. Flinging him down and straddling him once more. She grinned as she trailed kisses on his chest again. She unclipped her bra and let her breasts sit exposed. She smiled as Kaneki's eyes widened at the sight of her completely exposed before him.

"_You're so beautiful._" He murmured.

She didn't know if he had meant so say that or if his thoughts had surfaced out loud. His voice wasn't hollow like it had been, it was warm and kind like it had been. She smiled because he was coming back to her. Her sweet Kaneki.

He watched nervously as she guided him to her wet lips, her saliva helping him slide into her. Carefully she lowered herself down his length. Her lips trembled as she winced, but she didn't stop, determined to see this through to take all of him. She moaned when he hit the wall of her uterus and the walls of her cervix clenched around him.

"Does it hurt?"

"Ah- a little." Touka inhaled through the discomfort, she had a high pain threshold, but she hadn't been expecting this.

"Take your time okay." He said, moving one of his hands from her hip to her cheek.

Touka nodded kissing him tenderly. Rising and falling gently with frequent sharp intakes of breath. The feel of him against her walls, stretching her out giving way to pain all while eliciting pleasure like jolts of electricity running through her. She began to rock her hips steadily.

Her gaze was locked with Kaneki's she moved her hand to his chest, her nails digging into him, breaking skin. They began to move with each other. She arced back with her thighs spread apart. As she rolled her hips he'd rise to meet her by thrusting forward.

Kaneki with rough hands dug his fingers into her thighs, gripping her tightly as he thrusted more vigorously. Touka retaliated by pinning his hands above his heads and biting down on his shoulder as she slowed down her pace, grinding her way back up and down slowly.

She grinned at his grunt of displeasure, tutting him. She rocked her hips more recklessly as her pace quickened. With a tongue she snaked a line up his neck and began to playfully nip at his ear. Kaneki rocked his hip angrily. His hands becoming free he flipped her over usurping her dominance.

Touka laid with him between her legs, crying softly each time he drove into her, making her shudder with pleasure as he began to withdraw before thrusting forward again. She could feel his length driving further each time, and each time it knocked the breath out of her. She could on gasp and dig her nails into Kaneki, raking them across his back. Her mind was going blank again and black spots began to appear in her vision. She was panting in time to Kaneki's momentum.

She tried to sit up more upright, wanting to look at him as she came. Touka wrapped her legs around him and Kaneki lifted her off the bed with both hands on her waist, she bounced on top of him with the cadence of flesh hitting flesh.

Their breaths were hot and shallow, melting into each other between kisses. They became rougher as they moved faster against each other. Touka could no longer whimper or gasp. Occasionally a high pitched hum would escape her while her lips just wordless tremble with saliva webbed between them.

She was coming, it like lightning rushing through her nerves, snapping with jolts of ecstasy, fleeting flashes of pleasure rolling through her, just out of reach, yet so imminent she could feel it grow ever closer by the second. All the while Kaneki began to rock his hips and thrust even faster it trying to keep his pace but it grew more erratic and she knew he was close too.

She wanted it more than she has ever thought he had wanted something in her life. It felt like everything they had been through, since they first met was all just building up to this very moment. Her fervour burned through her, consuming her as it grew hotter and hotter as she rode Kaneki. Her hips bucked violently, her legs were shaking, even wrapped around the waist of her lover. The ardour was so intense it was vehement. The searing heat between them increased, with Kaneki's relentless pounding, knocking the breath from Touka with every stroke.

She bit into Kaneki as her orgasm broke through the threshold of her limits, her climax ripped through her like pleasure was flaying her flesh, rendering her almost lifeless if it wasn't for her trembling violently in its quake. She hung onto Kaneki for life, it felt like she drowning, like she was at the bottom of the ocean but the water was not water but bliss. Her mind had gone black; she could only hear the ringing of her ears, the blood drumming through their veins and their drained breaths.

When she came to she realised she was resting on Kaneki's chest beneath his sheets. The sound of his heart was a metronome ticking away. It dawned on her that it was counting down until it left her. The warmth of his arms around her would no longer be there.

"Don't die okay?" She muttered shifting closer.

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't care what you're out there doing with my brother and Aogiri, whether it is killing doves or just taking the heat off 20thward - just don't get killed. I know I said I'd be satisfied with tonight but promise me you'll come back to me. A month, a year – just fucking come back to me alright. You're mine now Kaneki Ken."

She could feel his smile, gentle and content. If he could do smug, that would be what it was, but smug didn't suit him. There was nothing superior in his personality, he always came across so gentle and carefree. "I think I always was. I'll come back to you, always." He kissed her cheek. Kaneki wanted to tell her he loved her, but he knew if he said those words, she'd never let him go.

Touka sighed and unwilling to surrender to the throws of sleep, wanting to stay awake to savour his presence for as long as she could.

Still when morning did finally come, Touka awoke to find he was gone. The presence of her scattered clothes on his floor was the only evidence of the night even happening. She had promised herself she wouldn't cry for him ever again when he first left. Five times that promise was broken that following week, all because that first time.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer - I own nothing, all characters belong to Tokyo Ghoul

Summary/Notes: Set before the auction raid, Sasaki Haise leaves a coffee shop with thoughts of the familiar scent and beautiful girl. On the other side of the door he has no idea how his presence affected his one time lover and friend.

* * *

Chapter 2 – Blindside

The door closed. With it the black and white hair of the stranger disappeared. It was a swift walk for Touka, clearing the shop floor in a few steps. Her heels clicked on the hardwood. Just as she reached the entrance, she stumbled, her notepad and pen fell unnoticed with a soft clatter.

She recovered quickly and flicked the 'open' sign to 'closed' and locked the door with baited breath, refusing to panic.

Café Re was still on its way to becoming the haven for ghouls that Anteiku was, while Touka had a lot to strive toward, hiding in plain sight come easily enough. She wondered with their appearance if it was in danger. It had just become to feel like home, both human and ghoul business was picking up. Few people in the dawn of their adolescence could say they rebuilt in wake of such tragedy.

The destruction of Anteiku and the battle with the CCG had been devastating, but it was watching him walk straight into the enemy lines that nearly destroyed Touka.

She had suffered through many things, but the aftermath had brought a whole set of new challenges for Touka. The changing of identities had been relatively easy, to ghouls and Yoriko. she was still Touka Kirishima but it meant that she was unable to attend Kamii like she had planned. Starting a legitimate business from scratch had proved difficult but with Uta, Itori and Renji's help it was made possible. But by far the hardest part of recovering was living every day after.

She couldn't believe how close she had been to him.

The pain, though it had numbed over the years, had not completely subsided. And now, suddenly, it was coursing through her with a vengeance once more, twisting like a first through her stomach as an invisible hand gripped her throat, robbing her of breath.

After watching the group walk out of view from the window Touka sank to the ground. She could feel the muscles in her face finally betray her. She gritted her teeth refusing to give in.

Yomo looked at her with sad eyes set in his stony face. She barely noticed, she had seen a ghost, a ghost with _his smile_ and no memory of her. There wasn't a single shred of doubt in her mind; it was Kaneki or Sasaki Haise as his colleagues were calling him.

When she had mourned his disappearance it had been worse than any physical pain, worse than when he left to rejoin Aogiri after they slept together. She had missed him so much that she was sure if she tried to put it into words they would have only come out unspeakably hollow. So she buried that voice, that need for him within her like it had been a dark and terrible beast.

But the fate all monsters were to emerge when least expected. She felt ice cold.

"He's alive." She breathed resting her head in her hands. She began to repeat herself, the truth of it still not setting in.

"Whoever that is, it is not Kaneki anymore, Touka." Yomo's deep voice and soothing tone could not calm her. Even he could not hide his surprise when he saw their friend alive and well in their café. Fortunately Touka disguised his speechlessness with rudeness.

"He's alive Yomo… and he doesn't even recognise us. Why?" She ran her hands through her hair despairingly.

She hugged her knees as she rested against the door, still on the ground. All the nights of agony, of guilt and anger since they last spoke came crashing down around her. Everyone thought he had been dead. Even she had grieved for him despite her vocal denial of his fatal encounter, there had been no body which in her mind meant no confirmation.

After months passed of him missing, then after the first year with no news, everyone suspected him to have been killed, it was widely accepted that no one survived the shinigami of the CCG.

"I do not know how or why. But it doesn't change the facts, it'd be unwise for us to get involved. Do you understand, Touka? Whatever they did to him, he isn't there anymore." He proceeded to help her up.

Once again it hit her, the brazen cruelty of the world.

"Who was it then? It sure looked exactly like Kaneki! He might not be able to remember - but some part of him knew me Yomo. I felt it! He could feel it too - he just, he couldn't remember." She pulled away from him, her own eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"If they took away his memories, what else do you think they might have done to him? Until we know more we treat him like he is any other dove."

She didn't want to believe the boy she loved had truly gone, it was almost worse than death. She refused to even give thought to the possibility that Kankei had been replaced with someone that could no longer love her, but instead seek to eliminate her if 'Haise' ever discovered the truth.

Touka turned back to the window and stood in silence for a long time.

"He's lucky in a way isn't he?" She said quietly as she wiped her eyes. "All that pain… gone, everything he went through..." Touka steadied herself on the wall. Desperately trying to keep herself together with the threat of tears growing stronger.

The white and black haired youth had been acting like everything that happened to him had been washed away. She supposed it was better for him this way, at least his last memory of her wasn't of their fight, with her fists beating his chest as she cried; before everything burned, before it all ended.

_He had to go and change again..._

Still, he had returned. Wasn't that the reason she had built Re? To retain hope, despite everything, to make sure there was a place for him to return to.

And it had worked, her wish came true. He had risen from the dead, but as a dove - flying far out of her reach once more. With that revelation her heart was both soaring and crashing.

"We can't tell anyone about this Touka. Sooner or later word will get out that he is still alive and Aogiri will be looking for him. Ayoto and Hinami - they won't be able to let him go. He'll need protecting." Yomo said and Touka nodded.

_Would it be for the best?_

She had heard how strong he was before he had disappeared, rumours of the eye-patch being the Centipede ran rampant through the Ghoul underworld. She wondered if he was he still part ghoul and just playing human? They must have been the ones to have removed his memories but would the CCG let a half ghoul become an investigator, or were they merely using him as a weapon?

Touka let out a frustrated sigh as her head swam with more questions.

"I hate it when you are right." She said bitterly, turning to gaze out of the window once more. Involving herself would only complicate things further and would only be asking for trouble from the doves.

She was scared of what pursuing him would bring - it could only end with more pain and more loss.

She was both fearing for him and wanting to be happy for him, he had looked more cheerful than he ever had when she knew him, carefree almost. She envied that a little as her heart darkened with jealousy, he was supposed to be hers.

_Stupid dumb Kaneki _ Touka thought with a sad smile. The image of him laughing with his friends remained fresh in her mind, she tried to think of it as a good thing _it is a goof thing_.

He was alive, he was content, and even if he didn't remember her, she could still help keep him safe. Perhaps, if she was lucky, he'd come and drink coffee there again. That would have to be enough.

* * *

"Haise." Akira's cool voice broke through his reverie and brought him back to her office.

"Boss." He raised his head, surprised by his own lack of focus. He glanced to his watch, it was six thirty.

She sat opposite, folders and reports stretched across her desk in front of her neatly, "Is something the matter?" her sharp gaze fixed on him.

Haise shook his head with a cheery smile. "Not at all, I'm perfectly fine." However his superior was not easily dissuaded from her observations.

"You have been acting distracted all day,why don't we take a break and you can tell me what is on your mind." She said standing.

Haise noted that her expression appeared to be relaxed rather than stern. He had been her partner ever since his rehabilitation, so he knew a smile from Akira was a rare occurrence or was in the past at least.

She too was very perceptive of her subordinate's behaviour. Their last two years combined with her intuition made her sensitive to his conduct, especially because of his unorthodox admission into the CCG, only to prove himself as a remarkable investigator. Although Akira had been reluctant and even unwilling at first, to the best of her ability she tutored him personally into the talented Rank 1 Ghoul Investigator with an extremely promising future.

During their time together she was continuously surprised by Haise's keen intellect in spite of his clean slate. He did excellent investigation work and Akira had to remind herself that he didn't even study at the academy. Because of this she developed a quiet respect for him, enough so that despite her initial coldness and indifference towards him they became effective partners.

Though she would be reluctant to admit it, her respect for Haise coupled with his personality caused her feelings toward him grew into a deep level fondness. She soon found herself caring very much for her partner and understood the potential Arima saw in him.

"It's nothing, really, I don't want to be of any trouble." Haise responded kindly. "Not while there is still work to do on the Nut-Cracker."

Akira gave him a pointed look. "We're going for a walk Haise. Put on your coat." She ordered.

Haise did as she asked, hesitating as he held the door of her office open for her.

His eyes cast down to the black and white chequered floor. He didn't know why but the sight of the black and white patterned squares made him feel uneasy, like a bad memory, he was silently thankful to leave it behind.

The two entered the lift at the end of the hall and Akira pressed for the ground floor.

"Are we going anywhere special?" Haise asked lightly.

"Just out."

"So we'll be _out-standing_ then?" He joked, Akira didn't reward him with a reaction other than the roll of her eyes and a sigh.

They didn't need to walk far; there was a coffee stand Akira liked of around the corner from the CCG investigation offices. They bought two cups to go. Haise felt the heat of the coffee through his fingers and thought about the day before. For the longest time they sat down quietly watching the public go about their daily lives.

"You're nervous Haise." She observed.

"Sorry, it's just we don't normally take time outside of work to talk. It is a little unfamiliar I guess."

"Two years together and you feel uncomfortable when we go out for coffee? Am I really that cold?" She teased lightly.

"Not at all, you've taken great care of me. It is just… you're always so professional and this is a personal matter - I think. It is actually kind of embarrassing really when I think about it." Haise admitted

"We are partners, relax and tell me what's going on." She reassured him.

"Well, a lot of experiences are still new to me... but this isn't something you really prepared me for." Haise paused to staring into his drink, blushing slightly. The liquid trembled, rings rippling out catching the light of the sun. "I met a girl yesterday."

Akira blinked, caught by surprise but then smiled. "I see. You're right, I suppose that wasn't something I ever did train you for. So are you going to tell me about her? Who is she?"

"I'm not sure, a waitress. It sounds insane but when I saw her... she was that beautiful - I don't know what came over me but I was moved. I even had a tear in my tear." Haise nearly laughed at himself. "She was smiling even though she was sad. It reminded me of you almost, she was very kind." Haise took a sip of coffee, unaware as to where these words were coming from. "Since we met I haven't been able to stop thinking about her."

"Does she have a name?"

"I didn't ask." He shook his head.

"You should go see her again Haise, talk to her." Akira suggested with a knowing smile.

"Will that not make it worse?" Haise chewed on his tongue

"The worst that could happen is that you don't - and only you think about her more. Perhaps you'll be able to concentrate again if you can put a name to a face."

Haise looked uncertain. "Are you sure this okay? For me, _for what I am?_"

"You're a good person Haise and an excellent investigator. Relationships outside of the CCG are important, in my opinion; this kind of experience – it is a very human one and will benefit you. But I shouldn't need warn you to proceed with caution, given your circumstances."

"You sound like you are telling me to pursue what I want, but not to go falling in love?" Haise said, he saw a flicker in Akira's eyes as he spoke. "I understand, who could love a monster anyway? Can ghouls even love?"

"Haise, you aren't a ghoul." She said sternly.

"Let us not delude ourselves, I'm not exactly human either."

"Don't let people tell you otherwise, what happened to you wasn't your fault. It is just a matter of conduct, besides with all the confidentiality agreements there is only so much you are allowed to tell people as it is. Perhaps that will work out favourably for you." Akira speculated.

"Akira, may I ask you a personal question?" Haise asked.

"I suppose it would only be fair. Go ahead." She knew where this was going, but she was no stranger to that dull ache of the missing parts of her heart now.

"Has there ever been anyone in your life?" His voice was tentative and unsure.

"Once, he was an exceptional investigator." She answered sadly.

"Was?"Akira nodded. "I'm sorry." Haise felt guilty for asking such tactless question as an uneasy silence rested between them.

Eventually she stood up from the public bench that they were both sitting on. "It's your day off tomorrow; I want you to go see your waitress Haise. Why don't you try asking her out on a date?" She suggested.

"Yes ma'am." Haise gave her a slight bow.

"Then let's get back to the Nut-Cracker case." She smiled at her partner and began to walk back to the headquarters.


End file.
